Where Do You Live?

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote,

"If a man carefully examine his thoughts he will be surprised to find how much he lives in the future. His well being is aways ahead. Such a creature is probably immortal."

To be immortal means to not be subjected to death. Well, I don't know of anyone whe escaped death except Our Lord. I guess it's nice to dream and to have goals, but we always must remember that all we have is now, therefore we can't live in the future nor for that matter the past..

I remember a common question asked of me in some of my managerial job interviews was, "What are your short term goals and what are your long term goals?" To prepare for the interview I would always anticipate one or both of these questions or ones similar in nature by coming up with some fictitious scenario just to have an answer. But I knew that whatever I planned or schemed of doing in the future all depended on Our Lord and many times my plans and wishes were not what He had laid out for me. My truthful answer to the question should have been that my goal was to follow the Lord and accept whatever He sent my way. But that answer was one not of this world.

I learned this all so well back in 1992 when I was looking ahead to today when I would probably be retired, the children out on their own with good jobs and building their own families. This was to be a time where I could relax and with my spouse/partner could kick back and do some traveling. That dream all unraveled over the course of one fateful weekend where my wife was found to be dealing with mental illness. From that day forward, I had no choice but to think of that day, that moment. I quickly realized even though I had seen it all around me how precious and fragile life is. Here today, gone tomorrow.

So that dream of today from yesterday finds me living separated but still caring for not only my wife but also my 86 year old mom. And that dream of my sons being married and starting their own families has not been realized. All three are still single, one moved out and two still live with me. I can dream, but I'm brought out of my dream rather quickly once I look around and know all I can do is live for the moment. I look back at the past and if I dwell on all the wrong decisions I made I would certainly end up a basket case, so I try to take only a peek to hopefully learn from some of the mistakes.

I know that all I could do is live from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute and breath to breath. I wish that I could say I've mastered this but I haven't because periodically I run off into the future or slow down to live in the past which makes the current moment very cloudy.

Years back, I would wallow in my misery and ask God why He punished me with all this misery and sorrow. It took time to realize that God does not punish, in fact He provides all that we need. He gives us free will - a mind that we can use to make choices. It's our choices that get us in trouble.

Again quoting from Emerson;

"The sun shines and warms and lights us and we have no curiosity to know why this is so; but we ask the reason of all evil, of pain, and hunger, and mosquitos and silly people."

"No matter what looms ahead, if you can eat today, enjoy the sunlight today, mix good cheer with friends today, then enjoy it and bless God for it. Do not look back on happiness or dream of it in the future. You are only sure of today; do not let yourself be cheated of it." - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1878)